Me, Myself & I

I learn new things about myself every day. Like how I crave a love that encompasses me in its arms and drowns me in euphoria. Or how after some vodka I start to see the beauty in every person I meet. But I also often lay in bed and resent everyone around me. I know my heart is too big to hate, but I become frustrated with people. Everyone has their own complex lives and trauma, but I find myself coming back to the same question of why I am on the brunt of their anger. I say to myself, you cannot sit here and dwell, because it is then where you go insane. But I feel the anger build inside of me when I realise I am once again laid alone with nothing but my thoughts on a Thursday at 1 am. Not that I need someone to survive, but one little crevice in my heart simply will not let me rest when it comes to love. I am sure I was born to love, to give love, as we all are. Though with me, I feel it’s different. Maybe I was put onto this planet to give out more love than I will ever receive. I may be the subject of only the worst pain. Perhaps it is to help other people around me, and sometimes I am okay with that. It is a constant fluctuation of emotions. Anger, confusion, resentment and love. How do I settle? How do I come to peace with the cruel cards life has served me, without expecting anything more? You must stay humble. For every situation, there is a lesson to be learned. My most prominent one yet is that this world does not owe you a goddamn thing.

Umi